Growing

Wow. Somehow. . . Today was worse. . . With no relief, I didn't get that up time I usually do after a depressive attack. I didn't want anything, nothing, but this vacuum in my chest to leave. It slowly faded away, I interacted with people and ibfelt like a lie. I was this torrent of darkness, hidden by a new mask, one resembling my happy self. . . Later, I looked in the mirror and I saw someone else, someone happy with hope, I felt like a stranger. I made every face to myself that I made that day to others, said what I said, and acted as I had acted. And I seemed so happy, my masks are so good they fool me. I wanted to be this person that people saw and possibly admired. But I wasn't. Even if I was good enough, I was dark inside. . . pain, emptiness, I tried filling the void with Lmost anything I could think of. And then I knew what could, but I had to tell myself it wasn't worth it, losin all this goodness I had worked so hard for. The person I am now isn't a bad Person, and I'm proud of that if nothin else. I wasn't about to give that up because I was down. I should probably appreciate that more, but I still hurt, I have to wear this mask and I hide my true self from those around me. Not even some of my friends have been shown this. I'm better as well, not by much, but noticeably. I wonder who you think I am though, what kind of person, what person? I think I'm here to be heard, but there's no point if I can't listen, Which is why I ask, who am I, to you, whoever you are.