Full circle

I remembered things, times when I was afraid, horribly afraid, and I felt vulnerable again, like I was that child, small, with no control over the scary monsters. Then I got angry, really angry, I hated them so much, how dare they. Then, I guess I kind of accepted it. My mom called, we talked, I didn't tell her the things I remembered because I knew she already knew them, she apologized though. It was just out of the blue, she said she was sorry I grew up in the way I did, and she said she was grateful she could have me in her life. And I. . . Broke, somehow, she knew exactly what was wrong, and she fixed it. Again, and now I'm so co fused because this is what happens everytime, she says she loves me, I grow to rely on her, trust her, then she leaves or hurts me. I can't take it. But I can't leave, there's too much there fOr me. But this is the last time. If I get hurt, I'm gone, forever. Maybe I won't have to leave, but experience has me thinking otherwise.