Finding the Lost Pieces

So today was a random bag of craziness that all started with my serious depression. It hit me at around 3, and stayed and only grew worse as the day went on. There didn't seem to be much reason and I got to he point where I really didn want to do or have anything, I felt like I had a hole in my chest and everything was getting sucked out through it, I came up with a bunch of possible reasons, I miss Utah, I miss my old friends, I miss my new friends, I miss my newer friend, but I didn't want any of that. I didnt know what would help exceptaybe for music, I lOve musIc almost more than anything else, so I liked listening to it, but it didn't help or make me feel better. So then we went to a BBQ at a neighbors house and I was just kind of there, some kids my age started talking to me so I made a couple of jokes that they didn't get for 5 min. Story of my life. Anyways that didn't help, but then they said that the kids were goig to someplace called the mudflats, I didn't know what that was but apparently everybody else knew we were going to be going there. I honestly don't own a pair of shorts so. I ran home to get a pair of my dad's. I went Ito his closet and found a small notebook that had the word 'Legacy' written on the front, and the date 6/8/94, which is my birthday. I opened it and the first page said: "To my son Alex, I hope you and I turn out great in the years to come but I want you to know about my experiences with you, wether or not I stay in your life.". I flipped through and it pretty much spanned my whole life. I was really confused by I didn't read anymore because I figured that he planned on giving it to me on his own time. It's funny because the more we talk and the better I get to know him I realize that oli am exactly like him. I never really knew mydad before this past year even though I lived with him, because he worked all the time and spent his free time with my sisters in their basketball. But I say this because one of the biggest things that has killed me is that he never seriously told me that he loves me. So he's lot like me in the fact that he isn't a good communicator when it comes to speaking but can share everything in writing. I'm better at talking now but he said a lot of things from what I did read that made me see how happy I mdae him when I was little. His life was just a burning cauldron of crazy and he seemed to only find real peace when he could spend more time with me. I've honestly only ever felt more loved once in my life. So I went back and we went to the mud flats and we all got covered on mud and it was awesome. I had so much fun and freaking love th welcomes and their friends. . . So another horribly good day. These really gotta stop.