Ugh, music

I love/hate what it does to me. Makes me see me as me after I go through these crazy self-inflicted cycles. It opens me up and closes me back when I need it. But then, I remember, it's just me. It's me doing these things, it's how I interpret the music and I do this to myself, and I love it, because evey bad thing, and every good thing is actually juts me doing it to myself, I may not choose how I'm affected by things, but it really is just me, and when I can learn how to control it, I make myself whatever i want. Now what I want is a whole 'nother dilemma with various philosophical and mental ideologies that I'm not going into here. Bu I'm now okay that for the third time in a row i still haven't gone into intake at wasatch mental health, despite making it ontime, having an appointment, and remembering to brin my Medicaid card. . . maybe one day it'll actually happen. Tomorrow is our next attempt, but I don't have much faith it will turn out the way we intend, that is getting an intake appointment, I honestly don't care what they say at this point, I just want to talk. . . and try to get some measure of help. We'll see, again. . .