Dangit

I need to learn to appreciate things when I have them. It always seems that I never want to be wherever I am. In Alaska, I missed Utah, now, I dislike Utah a lot. . . well, I did, and I started thinking when a so I was listening to said, "home is where the heart is, you can find where you belong. . ." yeah, you'd think that would make me think my home is here, because my family's here, well, half of it is. . . but, I don't really think this is where I belong. And I mean that in the sense that it's not where I can be happiest, not in the sense that I should be somewhere else. . . but, I remember the most beautiful place I have ever seen. . . I want it now, I didn't really appreciate where I was when I was there. . . but now, I look back and think, that's the only place I can really imagine me being happy, day or night, rain or shine, regardless if livin there is really feasible. . . I can keep it in my head as a goal. . . to go back there. . . and just, be happy for a while. . . if the world allows, I'm not so sure lately, I can feel it starting. . . something is going to happen this year, I have theis sense of. . . foreboding I don't usually carry, I'm usually such a hopeful person, but, I can tell this is an oncoming tragedy. . . I guess we'll see. . .