Sometimes I wish I could cry

And sometimeser wish I could die. And others, I wish I couldn't do either of these things. This is one of all of those times. Today, i went crazy. . . to say the least. It was. . . bad, like really bad. First, we got out of Young Men's, and I felt this urge to do something, I didn't k ow what, just, something. . . then I went outside and the clouds were, so beautiful, after sunset, my favorite time of the ever. And I could care less. I just didn't, feel anything, at all. And yet, I felt, everything, at once, which summed up to nothing. And, I wanted to talk, but no one was there, and I didn't want to necessarily talk random crap to anyone, so I went to the side o the building no one was on, and I talked to myself, as j constantly do in my mind. I suck to talk to, I know, I hate it. And I kept talking for 30 minutes, and I knew I was crazy, like legit crazy, because I just, couldn't think of any reason to not do anything. I seemed high to myself. . . it was awful, then, I just didn't want to talk, or do anything, just, do nothing. . . it was great. Then after 10 minutes of that, I had to talk to myself, then I went inside, kind of a stupid decision, I talked to people, one person, a girl I almost went to a dance with who just got pregnant. . . yeah, I was surprisingly funny and cool, way more than usual, which is saying something ;). And I went outside and on. Our way home, of course my mom was jut like "Shut up, you're fine, jut figure out how to control it!". Yeah, lemme tell you, understanding. . . I just now. . . Want/need help. . . I'll be better in the morning, I know. . . That's just, me. . . stupid, crazy ol' me. . .