Well, tonight I went out, bike, but it was really differenter, it was cold, it had snowed in the mountains today and the winds were freezing. I loved it. And I had those flashbacks to something, it feels like Whyoming, but I don think so. . . I remember running, during the winter, there was snow everywhere, and, it was either night, withba full moon, or day, with heavy cloud cover, but I just remember goin through a small town, and then through some fields. . . There were trees separating the town from the fields. . . I don't remember where, when, or much else. . . It was weird because I was happy remembering it. . . And then something else happened, it was, amazing, my awakening. . . It was me waking up and seeing the world through the eyes I keep forgetting. I deme ever the first day i started dreaming, instead of just living, it was 3 years ago, in woke up, didn't see real things, didn't hear real things, didn't do real things that morning as I experienced it. I went into the living room and asked my mom, "is this a dream?". She acknowledged me and left. I scratched up my knuckles on the concrete at school the to see if it was real. . . Then my friends asked why my knuckles were bleeding, I said because I'm trying to wake up. They just asked, "What?". And resumed their lives. So I went along with it. I've woken up maybe five times since then. But everything still feels like a dream. Like I'm disconnected in sub a physical sense, it's impossible to describe to someone. . . I thought I woke up again in August, but Im sure ibwas just high. . . I woke up again with such, realization and elation. . . Now I'm back to normal, things changed and I had to go through the motions of new realization, but I'm still happy, or at least holding onto it, this may be a small delayed depression thing, but I'll last, now.
Oh! I get it now. . . But I'm not really seeing where I missed my chance. . . Oh, maybe there. Dang it.
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