I found what I was missing.

They cannot see the way ahead
when Sun is gone, and Moon is dead.

We walk and push through our lives, all of us.  And I feel like I can see them. . . going in their little circles. . . they seem rather, fruitless at times, and I know we feel that way. . . why do I write we?  I guess it gives that feeling of communion or togetherness.  Things have been messed up for weeks and more and more things keep coming and confusing this mind. . . I found out yesterday. . . this is the training ground. . . I always saw my life as moving, that my birth was just the beginning of the end. . . I couldn't see it moving anywhere but the end. . . that's not a bad thing, but there isn't an end, I just figured everything would be sorted out after that and I'd just see what happens then. . . what i forget is that, my life hasn't started yet. . . I'm just waiting. . . waiting. . . waiting. . . and I've been afraid that this was true for the longest time. . . that I haven't begun yet. . . now that I know I haven't. . . it seems worthless. . .not quite. . . but the value is certainly. . . less. . . I think, what do the things I have in my life matter if it's not begun yet, I realized it doesn't. . . I also realized I don't want to keep or make that book anymore. . .I realized. . . I need to look forward, and around. . . not backward. . .  So. . . I'm not giving up. . . I thought I needed these things. . . us. . . to keep going. . . I thought I had so much. . . ability. . . and responsibility. . . but now I realize. . . I really don't. . . I am. . . looking. . . and reaching to find and start these things early. . . but that's not me now. . . and there has always been so much I want. . .I'm not necessarily avaricious. . .but, I desire. . . there's good and bad there, but I've always thought it would just sort of, happen. . .that I was in the midst of the troubles, and somehow I, then, deserved. . . my greatest arguement is, "Know ye not, that ye are not your own. . ."  How oft to forsake the power we crave indefinitely. . . why must I drag these things on. . . lead these passages of my life through these dark corridors. . . to sum up the entire post:  I'm dumb, but I'm changing that. . . don't worry about me. . . I may not come back. . .