I wrote this whilst riding my bike

My dad asked, "why would you have problems?"
I ask my self the same things constantly, and most of the time I can't come up with any reasonable answer.  

Then i remember where I've been.  My motto recently has been don't look back, because there's only longing and hurt there.  I think that's only made things worse.  Tonight I finally went back, like, literally, I rode my bike the few miles into Orem and went to all four of the places I've lived, and i remembered a lot.  So, now, I ask why aren't I messed up, I'm honestly amazed I'm this well off, I've gone through crazy shit.

It's also strange, when I remember people don't know me either.  They haven't been to the places I have, so, there's this expectancy for me to operate like they do.  There's no placating my envy at their childhoods, but theirs no taking away mine either, so I'm at the catholic school right now, it's  8:37 when I'm writing this, I'm sitting in the parking lot of the huge school I remember always driving by as a kid.  I drove by it when I went to the Yellow House, when I went to the Anderson's, when I went to my grandmother's.  It's weird because whenever I told my mom about it she always asked what I was talking about.  I guess she never noticed it, but I'm glad, it solidifies my connection with this place.

Holy crap, I went back to the house I live in when I was 8.  That place had the least amount of problems, I think I was really happy there.  There wasn't a lot of pain, or things happening at all.   There was competition and, wait, nope I just remembered it.  Yeah, shit there too.  That one was scary.

I went to the next house now, there was a lot of happiness there, probably the most, I wanted to walk in the door and go to my room and fall asleep.  There's a lot I want to do.

Yeah, I need to do something with all this, but I just want to be here really, there are things happening, or not, idk.