Donnie (continued)

I always forget that horrible painting at the end of Donnie Darko. So yeah, for some, more utahy viewers, don't watch it! I can't shield you from the horrible parts of the movie, which sucks because it's such a good one.

Donnie Darko

I love this movie. So much. And am now the proud owner of it. There is so mug this movie is and contains. . . but, everyone seems to, misunderstand it, and, not appreciate it. I think I relate too well. I want this creative release, I want to be able to draw. It would be great, because I constanly have these visions in my head, of sub beauty and intellectthat I can't possibly share through words, or any other outlet. . . I just want this to be normal. . . again, if, I was normal to begin with. . . I'm not sure I was anymore.

Live in the moment

I think that that is. . . Liferendering. . . and, impossible. I don't really see how I can just be. . . uh, normal? I can't think of a better word, but that's not exactly what I mean. I just want. . .nothing again, it was simple, and I didnt need. Hm, I think I'm just tired, the worst part is I can't sleep right >:(. much anger to this I feel. And, good evening, and bye, for this post.

Sometimes I wish I could cry

And sometimeser wish I could die. And others, I wish I couldn't do either of these things. This is one of all of those times. Today, i went crazy. . . to say the least. It was. . . bad, like really bad. First, we got out of Young Men's, and I felt this urge to do something, I didn't k ow what, just, something. . . then I went outside and the clouds were, so beautiful, after sunset, my favorite time of the ever. And I could care less. I just didn't, feel anything, at all. And yet, I felt, everything, at once, which summed up to nothing. And, I wanted to talk, but no one was there, and I didn't want to necessarily talk random crap to anyone, so I went to the side o the building no one was on, and I talked to myself, as j constantly do in my mind. I suck to talk to, I know, I hate it. And I kept talking for 30 minutes, and I knew I was crazy, like legit crazy, because I just, couldn't think of any reason to not do anything. I seemed high to myself. . . it was awful, then, I just didn't want to talk, or do anything, just, do nothing. . . it was great. Then after 10 minutes of that, I had to talk to myself, then I went inside, kind of a stupid decision, I talked to people, one person, a girl I almost went to a dance with who just got pregnant. . . yeah, I was surprisingly funny and cool, way more than usual, which is saying something ;). And I went outside and on. Our way home, of course my mom was jut like "Shut up, you're fine, jut figure out how to control it!". Yeah, lemme tell you, understanding. . . I just now. . . Want/need help. . . I'll be better in the morning, I know. . . That's just, me. . . stupid, crazy ol' me. . .

Ink Blot Fwd:ish; 4 Songs & a Fight by the Sounds

So, my friend Angela did this Ink Blot story thing on her blog.  And me being the poser I am decided to copy her. . . with the exact same ink blot too.  And I had to wait forever because to get the picture of the ink blot I needed to use the computer, and that takes skill. . . acquiring the computer. . . not stealing. . . that's easy. . . ask my lawyer.  So here it is:

There was once a little princess.  She grew up in a castle with a large kingdom, but everybody was always sad.  The princess was too young to know why, but as she grew up she realized it was because the entire world was full of bad people and bad things.  It seemed no one could make it better.  She had to help them, but she didn't know how.  She met a lot of good people, happy people that made her wonder how they were able to be happy when so many others weren't.  Then she started to ask, "If they're so happy, why won't they make others happy?"  It took a while but the princess came to the realization that they didn't want to make everybody happy, they were content with themselves.  This distraught her and she couldn't find relief.  So she left.  She found an absolute that she could hold onto, one that welcomed her with open arms.  She didn't go running into its arms, she let it take her.  The princess then left the whole world behind, she left her kingdom behind, and she left herself behind.  This princess had her mind taken to a place worth living in.  One no one could ruin, but didn't exist.

Sometimes I can bear it

And other times, it sets off this chain reaction of hidden emotion. I just hope it doesn't happen when. . .

*sigh* Full Circle, again

I literally sighed. I just was overcome with an emotionally cycle, I hate those. I was angrier, but just in that part of the cycle, they seem to be happening more often, but they're not the deppressio/mania switch like I was having all summer. Now, its triggered when j feel any stron emotion, then I just go around the wheel and end up back at the start, or stop right before it. . . it's. . . a continual bother, this is why I haven't responded for a couple hours. . . sorry