Emergency Vacation(disaster/success)

BY letting her words slip into my skull, I let a part of myself die.
The part that says I'll get hurt
The part that says I'll get worse
The part that says I won't do
The part that says I can't do
So turn back spit and bare your teeth,
Watch them spin, see them writhe,
Know their names and feel them die.

Anxiety

I think literary genius is very much not one of the things I was made for, which really sucks because it just sits there taunting me.
Brain: "hey, Alex, I've got a really good idea"
Me: "oh yeah, what is it?"
Brain: "I forgot"
or
Brain: "I don't feel like telling you right now."
or
Brain: "okay I'll tell you, but I'm not going to make it sound coherent."

And then I try making coherency out of whatever shredded soggy piece of paper I have that was once a good idea. So, yeah, I'm gonna say I'm more of the guy that just tells people good ideas, but has no ability to do anything with them at all. . . And if you ever need a kick a idea, I'm right here. . . Well except for now, right now I'm on emergency vacation. Have fun!

If I talk, I display extreme confidence in you. Irreciprocatable

There is, this idea of existence I forgot had existed, and now I've remembered. I wonder why I stay like this. Why? When it's out there, it doesn't wait for me, nothing waits for me, I need to catch it because it exists. It's beautiful and its indescribably various in the most jagged way. I think it exists because I've seen it, other than that it just remained animated, existing but without form or idea, no conception and nor realization that there was a part of me that could react to it. If it was there when I was born then it's amount is up to affectualiztion of its subconceptualized under-theorization.


Lasting Thought: These mountains exist for me.

I guess antelope are people too?

So heavy in your arms?

I see it, but moreover, I hear it with the pounding of the mounted fists pitot on the wall. He can't move so he sits there watching you live your life, a constant reminder that he's bound. Then he thinks, I can live a life too, just not in this level of dimensionality. So he made his own and the machine was broken, it overworked and undershot, there was no start by the end was forever. This killed him.

Please don't kill me, it's perfectly Adele-related, I swear.

Well. . . Yeah, this Christmas season thing is weird. . . as usual, and of course I'm stuck in the middle of it while being pushed and pulled 3 different directions, and infant make my choices without someone having an aneurism, so screw it, I'm gonna go to Disney land, for real! You don't need family or their well wishings during Christmas! You just need some Disneyland and sea world awesomeness, so that's why I will be gone for the next week, starting Sunday, also, this isn't 100%, it's actually more like 55%, but we'll see, if it doesn't work out I'll probably just do what I was planning: nothing, just nothing.

Him: "You sound sick."

Me: "Yeah."
Him: "Do you know what you have?"
Me: "No."
Him: "How long have you been sick?"
Me: "About a week."
Him: "Oh, sorry."
Me: "Um, yeah, thanks."

4 days and I still don't know what to make of it. . . Ugh

historia de pantera y su sombras

The wound lies deep, like the ocean floor.
The sin is red, growing paper in death.

People have hope
Because they cannot see Death standing behind them

We reach out with our hands
Brush away the clouds and pierce the sky
To grab the moon and Mars
But we still cant reach the truth

Light a fire to the fang that cannot be reached
So that I do not have to see that star
So that I do not slit this throat

We think a flower on a cliff is beautiful
Because we stop our feet at the cliff's edge,
Unable to step out into the sky
Like that fearless flower

Tell me you hate me more than anything in the world

It is still to early to beleive