Oh, I get it now

People don't listen > I feel unimportant > I think I don't matter > I don't speak my mind/let myself get taken advantage of > people don't listen > repeat.

Now I'm confused

I just don't know what I am for anymore. . . I just. . . Don't know what I do or don't want. . . Uh, kind of hard to explain without just saying it all, but, Im not sure if I really know what's what. . . things changed in here, and, Im not sure if i now want this, or if inwas right to begin with.

I hate you

I'm talking to my dreams. There's a reason I hate them, and every time I try to assume their good they turn around and bite me in the ass! I hate them so much right now. . .

Dangit

I need to learn to appreciate things when I have them. It always seems that I never want to be wherever I am. In Alaska, I missed Utah, now, I dislike Utah a lot. . . well, I did, and I started thinking when a so I was listening to said, "home is where the heart is, you can find where you belong. . ." yeah, you'd think that would make me think my home is here, because my family's here, well, half of it is. . . but, I don't really think this is where I belong. And I mean that in the sense that it's not where I can be happiest, not in the sense that I should be somewhere else. . . but, I remember the most beautiful place I have ever seen. . . I want it now, I didn't really appreciate where I was when I was there. . . but now, I look back and think, that's the only place I can really imagine me being happy, day or night, rain or shine, regardless if livin there is really feasible. . . I can keep it in my head as a goal. . . to go back there. . . and just, be happy for a while. . . if the world allows, I'm not so sure lately, I can feel it starting. . . something is going to happen this year, I have theis sense of. . . foreboding I don't usually carry, I'm usually such a hopeful person, but, I can tell this is an oncoming tragedy. . . I guess we'll see. . .

Written without sight

The Girl who ran a mile and a half
with mascara wailing down her face,
like an act of banishd light.
Her countenance bears deception in her eyes shamed veil,
a stolen shadow with forebode enhanced.

Why are we lost?
The taken preach this night and day,
and most of the city has joined.
Our Celestial Orb shines down to us,
giving light into our eyes, showing all that is.
Never has night been forever,
so why do the people stop?
Build their kingdoms, but not another's.
If they do not know, how can they see?
By our Head the light is given,
and to our faces, it never ceases to show.
Knowing we are below
The Sun,
The Moon,
The Stars,
  How are we lost?







Truly, we are found.

And just as I predicted. . . I mostly hate the name, but I'm keeping it to see if I hate it more or less of the time, and then just kind of copromise with it. . . so we'll see

New name?

I told you I change, but now it's snowballing. I thought of the names:
The Manipulated Dead
The Living Receiver
Monster
Beast
Mask for ME

And many more that seemed to dark to really fit. . . they may fit to me, but the general consensus would see it as. . . undesireable, and te general consensus is me, later, and later, and how many other times I'm going to change in the blink of an eye. I'm kidding, it doesn't happen that fast, it takes about 4 seconds, count, and that's how fast I can feel booed rushing through my head and activating a new part, with new feeling, the successor in the cycle. It's messed up is what.